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“That feels really good, where did you learn to
do this?”, ha asked me.
“I did for my mom when I was young, she liked it.”
I moved my skillful hands around his neck. I was not
aware of what I was thinking of which always led me
to do things before I could stop it. I lowered down
my head and kissed his neck unconciously. He turned
back at me with a surprise.

“I am sorry”, I apologized and stepped back with
shock of what I did.
“I am really sorry, I don’t know what I am doing”,
I was so scared and almost cried from my embarrasing
behavior which I never acknowledged of my being gay.
I have always dreamt about making love with guys
but never did try with someone for the fear of
rejection. He probably noticed my fright too. I
knew that he had never had an idea of me being
attracted to him. Besides he always told me about
his ex-girlfriend and how good he felt when he
had sex with her. For me, he was just one of the
straights and perhaps homophobic!!

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I came from far, very far away. I am doing my post
graduate at this university. Being and foreign student
means I have to try to look for partial financial support
from work. The only employment that I can do is being
a teaching assistant. I never regretted being the T.A.
since it led me to my story which I am about to tell you.

It was my second term in doing my teaching assistantship.
I was chosen to do the fourth year course which very
few students were taking. The course was very difficult
for the students, therefore, I got to know all my
students. One that I was really close to was Jim. He
came to ask me many questions about the course itself.
We are not much different in age. In fact, I am only
2 years older than he is. He has curly, dark brown hair.
His dark brown eyes under the glasses always shine
with enthausiasm of learning. At his 6 feet 2 height,
he is very tall compared with my 5 feet 11 height.
Whenever he came to consult me, my heart was always
pounding for being so close to him. We got to know
each other better until we became friends. By the
end of the term, Jimmy, that is how I call him,
invited me to his place for supper. His parents were
so greatful and nice to me. Being with him, watching
him work or do something made me feel so happy.
I never told him of that feeling in me. He graduated
that term and returned to the university as a
graduate student.

One afternoon, everyone had gone home early because
it was summer time. I went to see Jimmy in his office
while he was working on his homework. I said hi to
him and he turned to greet me. He turned back to
his work. I walked to his seat and stood behind him.
I wanted to touch him at that time. My hands were
faster than my thoughts. I put my hands on his
shoulders. He turned back to look at me with unusual
sparkling eyes. He did not resist my hands. He turned
back to his work. I moved my hands gently on his
shoulders. Through the thin cotton T-shirt, I could
feel the warmth from his body, the firmness of
his muscles. I started giving him the massage I
learnt when I was young from my mom. I could not
help noticing his shorts. As usual for summer, he
wore big loose shorts where I always glanced into
whenever I got chance. His legs were firm and hairy.
They were tanned from his working outdoor during
his weekends. I always admired his firm thighs and
his hairy legs.